Self Portrait in Three Colours

Posts Tagged ‘family

.. my family really are my best friends.

I’ve found it hard to connect with people since finishing high school. I’m not sure what it is – maybe it’s just that I have differing values to all the people I’ve met, or maybe it’s just cos I’m a little bit awkward. Anyway, my shortcomings in the social department are for another post – I do happen to love my family because we have so much fun together 🙂

It hasn’t always been like this. I mean, we never hated each other, and we’ve always gotten along (to an extent haha) but in the last few years, as everyone’s grown up, we’ve learnt to really appreciate each other’s company. And since then we’ve done some pretty great things together.

I think it’s partly to do with the addition of  Aaron – his family has always been super-close, going on camping trips together and hanging out – so his (and my) effort to bring that to my family has resulted in just that. Our insistence that we spend more time together and go on family holidays made us all realise that we can have fun without other people (friends etc) having to be there.

It also has to do with the fact that my brother and sister are now in their mid-teens and can understand and participate in more “adult” jokes. To be honest I always wondered how my parents would cope with them growing up, because they always appeared to be on the conservative side, but they’ve actually embraced the change and now make these jokes themselves- which makes us hanging out all the more fun!

Because of the kind of person I am, I always feel more comfortable when it’s just me and my family hanging out. I can just be, and not have to worry about trying to make a good impression all the time.

At my 20th - family and Denese & Peter (who may as well be family)

We’re a good team and I feel very lucky that we can not only laugh and be stupid together, but that we’re all there to support each other through anything. I guess that’s what family’s for, right? 🙂

What brings all this sentimentality on? Well, Dad, Chris & Chelsea stayed the night at our place last night, to play Gran Turismo and watch numerous episodes of 24. I realised as we were cooking the BBQ and just chilling out outside that I was lucky to have a family that I could call friends. I have no idea who I’ll meet at uni this year – I might make some really amazing friends (I hope I do!!) – but it’s awesome to know that no matter what I’ll always have a family to go home to, and that’s the best part about all of this 🙂

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I think I’m starting to get too used to having the house to just Aaron & myself on the weekend. Only a couple of weeks ago, the entire family was away in Ballarat for a wedding, and this week the brother has been in Adelaide for Generations in Jazz and Mum, Dad and the sister went to Echuca for her netball tournament. And during the easter holidays we were house/dog sitting at Aaron’s mum’s place for an entire week, just the two of us. I simply cannot express how wonderful it is when we can both just do our own thing without having to avoid treading on people’s toes or being told to clean up or take out the garbage or wash up or hang out clothes or anything else. Yes, these things still need to be done but when we’re on our own, we can do them in our own time, without having to be nagged. The mess we clean up is our mess and noone elses, and the dishes we wash are our dishes and we can use as many or as little as we like. And if we want to leave the pizza boxes and empty glasses all over the coffee table and wait till the next morning to clean it all up, we bloody well will!

It makes me truly realize how much we need to move out. I love my family, and I love Aaron’s family, we both do, but we need to be doing things our way. We are much too old to be living with teenagers or with adults who treat us like naughty children who need reminding all the time to “turn off the heater!” “put your dishes in the dishwasher!” “make sure all this stuff gets cleaned up before you leave!” I can understand, it’s their house & we need to be living by their rules, which is all the more reason to be out and in our own place. The problem is, because we want our beautiful house in Strathewen, we can’t move out until the property is ready, the loan is organized, the plans are drawn and the house is built. We’re looking at a span of a few years at least, so I probably will be finished uni by the time we get to move in.

There are plenty of benefits to living at home, especially while I’m studying – we get a free meal every night, we get our water, gas, electricity etc paid for, and many responsibilities that we would otherwise have to deal with are taken care of – but it’s hard feeling like we’re trapped here in someone else’s place for the next couple of years.

This post sounds a little down in the dumps, which is ironic because I’m actually feeling alright today – I guess it just reflects what I’ve been thinking for a while now. It’s can be a suffocating feeling, but we’ll be okay. We’ve got great lives and we have each other, and right now that’s all that matters to me.

So it’s been totally busy, it feels like, for a little while. More busy than I’m used to, anyway. I’m really kind of hanging out for the end of this week because then a whole lot of stuff will be done and over. Recording for our primary school kids on Tuesday. Last proper lesson with them on Wednesday. Monash audition and Life Goes On gig on Thursday. And I could be wrong but I thought there was something happening on Friday too – I can’t even keep up!

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It is so easy to be over-consumed with grief. It is easy to hide away and think about nothing but the troubles that life so frequently presents. And it is certainly easy to feel sorry for yourself.

What’s not easy is to get on with life after the worst happens. To find positives in the events that have changed everything. To understand that life is short, unpredictable, unfair and to make the most of it anyway. I struggle with this sometimes.

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Okay, so it’s been approximately 50 million years 2 weeks since I last wrote. It feels like ages, I guess a fair bit has happened since then. Nothing life-changing, but it’s just been totally busy. And when I’ve had some time to myself, I haven’t really felt like writing. I’m just so tired, all the time, and it takes so much effort to write a coherent post (not that I’m an expert at doing that anyway!!)

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So I said yesterday was going to be my bumming day, but it ended up not being so much. Instead, we went to Strathewen with Aaron’s sister Clare. It was the perfect day for it, too. There was not a cloud in the sky all day and the temperature was a comfortable 21 degrees (although it felt warmer when we were down there).

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I'm Monica - a 21 year old Aussie girl trying to understand life. Teaching music and studying to be a primary school teacher. Blogging about everything and nothing!

@clarinade

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