Self Portrait in Three Colours


Posted on: January 3, 2012

I’m useless in the hot weather. Any time it’s 35 degrees or over I’m just a flubber of mess on the floor and I can’t do anything. It’s been this weather for three days now and I’ve accomplished basically nothing. Although yesterday we went and saw Breaking Dawn and spent the hottest part of the day in an air-conditioned shopping centre, so that was a bit easier to handle.

The most annoying thing is, is that we have a reverse-cycle air conditioner sitting in a box in our house waiting to get installed. And it’s supposed to get installed this week, but after today it’s all like low to mid twenties and we probably won’t use it. Ha! I guess I should enjoy this weather seeing as Melbourne gets it approximately 5 days a year πŸ˜›

I haven’t mentioned yet that we have pretty much zero dollars to spend for these whole holidays. Well, we have a bit, but it’s little enough that we really can’t go out more than say twice a week for groceries, and maybe treat ourselves to lunch/dinner out once a fortnight. So it’s the best time for it to be sweltering hot because we literally don’t have to do anything. I’m putting off my homework until it’s cooler (probably bad mistake but anyway) and there’s no point cleaning the place, exercising or going outside when it’s this warm. So I’ve been trawling blogs and playing Lego Harry Potter all day today πŸ™‚ It’s been fairly entertaining!

I’m waiting for the cool change – it’s supposed to be 22 degrees and raining tomorrow, which is much more my kind of weather. We’re having Dad, Chris and Chelsea up to our place to play Gran Turismo and watch 24 tomorrow afternoon, so the morning will be my time to get some stuff done without sitting in a pool of my own sweat (there’s an image for you!)

Until then I’m going to continue being a huge bum πŸ™‚


Just a very quick post to say that I will be blogging much more in 2012, it is my unofficial resolution and I have absolutely no excuse not to do it. I’m currently working on a 2011 year in review post which is long (my writing stamina is not amazing at the moment) and will be up in the next day or so (I will be backdating it to 1/1/12 though). Now that I’ve posted this I can’t back down πŸ™‚

I’m going to work on creating smaller posts, more frequently, and will build it up as I go along. So keep your eyes out for my year in review post soon as well as lots of other little thoughts and daily recounts! Very excited!!

P.S. Just hit Publish on this post and WordPress is telling me that it is my 36th post on this website. Thirty-six?? Really?!? I can’t believe I’ve written so much already! I feel like I hardly use this thing. Well, I’m looking forward to increasing that number substantially this year!

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So, I don’t know. Recently, I’ve been feeling more and more like I can’t accomplish anything I set my mind to – that I end up going back on old habits or just being lazy. The health and fitness thing is going really slowly. I went through a bit of a down period – not that I was eating SUPER unhealthily, but I wasn’t really thinking about what I was putting in my mouth. And then, after a few weeks of little physical activity,Β  I started running last week using the C25k program. I was really loving it, but after only three runs my knees and legs are hurting me. I haven’t been able to run in over a week, and even when I’ve done a couple of walks since, I’m still really feeling the pain. Not sure if it’s to do with how I’m running, or my alignment, or that I’ve just got weak muscles. Anyway, it’s kind of got me down. And because it’s the holidays now, we’re spending more time at home and therefore around food. I’ve kicked myself into the gear the last couple of days, but before that it was almost like I was using food to cure boredom.

That’s my next point! I feel LAZY and bored. We have spent so much time lying in bed watching TV or just playing meaningless games on our iPods this week. And it’s not even just cos it’s holidays – we do it every chance we get during a working week. It’s ridiculous. I’m just sick of not having anything to really set my mind to. I’ve got this online diploma, yes, but I don’t want to always have to just do homework or reading. I want a creative pursuit, like writing or photography, something that I can do in my free time, to feel like I’m contributing to the world. What’s getting me down is that I feel like I’ve tried doing these things in the past and I always fail. I just revert back to being lazy. I need full-time motivation, I need to be inspired. And as much faith as I have in myself (I guess), I’m finding it really hard to keep it going longer than a week or two.

I want to ACHIEVE SOMETHING. I’d love to do a thirty day writing challenge – you know, write something every day for a month, and actually complete it – or, I don’t know, create a photography website, or .. lose a few kilos and then write about how I did it. Just to see some accomplishment in my life – I feel like my last great achievement was finishing Year 12 :/

Anyway. We’re going away this weekend, to Fitzroy Falls. Maybe I can pull some inspiration from there and come back and do something worthwhile. We’ll see.

In other news, it’s Henk’s birthday today, and I’ve thought a bit about it, and probably would have written more about it earlier today, but I don’t really feel like it now. I think I’m just learning that it’s better to deal with the grief rather than try and make myself feel better by trying to hide away from it. Maybe that’s what the whole bumming on the laptop and playing games thing is about – me trying to get away from it. Maybe if I write more, I’ll be able to get out of this little funk I’m in.

Despite how down in the dumps I sound, I’m not feeling that bad, especially now that I’ve written this all down. It’s just stuff that’s been on my mind this week, and perhaps writing about it will give me the motivation to do something more about the problem. We’ll see!

I’m a little excited about this, because it means I can blog from home without needing internet. I’ve needed an outlet recently and haven’t been compelled to write because it’s just a hassle typing in what I want to write into a microsoft word document, save it and then copy and paste into WordPress.

You know, I got a tumblr a little while ago, and it’s been fun, but I definitely can’t post anything too serious on it – too many anonymous people, too much exercise talk and Harry Potter pictures. I really enjoy it (and it’s inspiring for exercise & health purposes) though πŸ™‚

I’ll write again soon – I can now, cos I can write from the caravan!Tags:

I am feeling more and more compelled to write at the moment so I won’t hold back, I’m on a good roll!

Paul & Andrew came up to our place for a BBQ today. It was nice having them out as they’re great guys with a good sense of humour, so lots of fun to muck around with. We met them at the top of the hill and hauled our stuff, including an eski, three bags of ice and all the food and drink, all the way down the driveway (stupid thing isn’t finished yet so we can’t drive down). Got very boggy as it was raining this morning so we ended up about three inches taller by the end of the walk because the soil had stuck nice and tightly to our shoes. We had a little look around, got the fire going, and had a really nice BBQ lunch.

As we were finishing our second and third sausages, Aaron said, “Shall we just go for a wander up the back hill?” We were all up for that so we ventured over to our little forest of silver wattles to find our way down to the old bridge over the creek. Aaron and I were absolutely blown away when we got there and saw how much they have grown in such a short space of time. These little guys shot up almost right before our eyes last year, and it doesn’t seem like long ago that we were marvelling at the fact that some of them were as tall as Aaron. Well, now they’re about twice or three times that size and really do resemble a forest, except they’re all about 10cm apart and you have to push and duck your way through the branches to get through. I’ll post a photo once I get them up, it’s just incredible.

Somehow we made it down to the creek (after navigating through the silver wattles and climbing over and around fallen branches and shrub), tentatively crossed the creek on the narrow metal bar that is really all that’s left of bridge, and resumed much more bush bashing before getting up onto some clearer land. We just could not believe the amount of growth since we had been there last – it is now close to impossible to maneuver through and we only did it because we didn’t want to go back the way we just came.

We found the spot where Aaron and Paul once camped (and where Aaron and myself had a picnic with his lovely dog Barney back before the fires) surprisingly easily. The dead log that always ran across the ground near that area was still there, but instead of being completely bare as it used to be, it was completely covered by new growth shooting up from the ground beneath it. You could hardly even see the log, it was incredible. Another amazing example of the regrowth in the last few months because the last time we were there, none of that existed.

Heading back to the tent and BBQ area I was a little skeptical about how we were going to make it back across. We knew we didn’t want to go back the way we came so instead we found an area of bush to jump down into that ran back to the creek, where there was a log that we could easily cross. In hindsight it may have been better to go back the way we came after all! It was absolutely the thickest section we’d come across so far and I really had no idea how we were going to make it through to the creek. The trees were twice our height and only centimeters apart, and there were wombat holes all over the place that we had to make sure we didn’t fall in. Anyway, we did make it, but not without numerous cuts and scratches on our legs and a growing fear of snakes. It was almost a relief to get back to the campsite (but secretly I really enjoyed the whole experience :P)

It was an interesting little wander nonetheless!

Anyway, I’m fairly stuffed. We’re at Aaron’s mum’s place down the road right now, but I won’t be surprised if I’m asleep in the tent within the next hour (despite it being 6pm and bright as day).


Why did you start your blog?

I started this blog for a number of reasons:

1) To serve as a personal outlet for my thoughts and feelings (and all that other gooey stuff)

2) To preserve the past and keep memories intact

3) To revive the enjoyment I once found from writing and being creative.

4) I’ve had other blogs in the past (DeadJournal, GreatestJournal, LiveJournal etc) but I felt like I needed a new place to grow and stretch my legs, and WordPress has been a great place to start!

I’m hoping this challenge will help me reach these goals!

I'm Monica - a 21 year old Aussie girl trying to understand life. Teaching music and studying to be a primary school teacher. Blogging about everything and nothing!


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