Self Portrait in Three Colours

Archive for April 2010

Yo-Yo

Posted on: April 21, 2010

Really I should be using my pent up writing energy for essays right now but I just don’t feel like it! Maybe free writing will give me the inspiration to get back to it all, but also I should be practicing… gosh uni is hard! Why on earth would they give music students essays to write? Don’t they understand we should be using our time to practice? GOSH…. πŸ˜€

Actually 2-3 essays a semester is really not that bad. It just seems bad when it’s been like almost two and a half years since I last wrote an essay. But I’m getting it done, slowly and surely.

I am in a strange mood this morning, I feel a bit drunk actually. My moods are changing from one minute to the next – I’m dancing around the living room to the Hoodangers and then I’m just feeling plain down and uninspired and can’t do a thing. Right at this very second I’m in limbo. Certainly the music is helping, but my whole body just feels drained and every time I so much as look at my essays I feel like being sick. I think I just need to get to uni, it’s not doing me any good being at home. Which is surprising, usually it’s the other way around. Urgh, I don’t know! I really, really would like to drive to uni today but I don’t have enough money for parking and the free parking will be full.

Okay. So I found enough money and I’m going to leave now. Apologies for this post being about nothing but… well, whatever.

As this page was loading I was trying to think of the reason why I don’t write here a lot. I really couldn’t come up with anything until I realized – right now, I am alone. There are things going on in the house around me but I’m in this room alone. And I look at all my other posts and not one of them has been made when there are people in close proximity. I feel embarrassed about what I’m writing, which is extremely silly, but I do. I hate writing while people are looking over my shoulder, especially cos I write, then I edit, then I edit, then I edit, until I’ve got something half decent.

Anyway, in terms of writing more often, it probably won’t happen. I don’t get a lot of time to myself anymore (which is fine with me – I’d rather my time off coincides with Aaron’s cos I don’t see him during the day usually) and it seems as though that’s what I need to write freely.

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I'm Monica - a 21 year old Aussie girl trying to understand life. Teaching music and studying to be a primary school teacher. Blogging about everything and nothing!

@clarinade

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